Crazy cats and dumb criminals

William is playing outside this morning. Just a minute ago, he opened the front door so he could say, "Go ou-yide...yay!!" Then he shut the door again! (Ou-yide is "outside.") A little while before that, when I was doing sit-ups, our cat, Max, who had been bathing himself next to me, decided that watching me exercise made him feel nippy. So he lunged toward me, took a bite of my arm, and then, having got that off his chest and not feeling guilty at all, went back to lounging on the rug, as if nothing had just happened. It didn't really hurt, but it was surprising and funny.
Last night, Zach was leaning out our windowless window upstairs, looking at Max, when Max decided to try the same song and dance on Zach. But he actually bit him as hard as he could, Zach says, and then Zach bonked his head and scraped his arm pit trying to back away! When he told me I actually laughed really hard--you had to be there.

Yesterday, we got up too late to go to church, which I regret. Maybe we all needed some antisocial recovery time from our driving nightmare with Will. I played the piano a lot. Chris barbecued a beef brisket. I bought corned beef brisket by mistake, instead of just beef brisket, but he soaked it in water for awhile to help get some salt out (don't know how much that really helped), used the spices as a rub, and barbecued it with low heat over a pan of water. It's moist, salty, and tastes like pastrami. The kids and I played badminton in the yard after dinner. It was really fun--there was continuous trash talking and occasional good volleys. With the remnants of the barbecue, we burned a little wood and sat around the fire for awhile.

DUMB CRIMINAL: I read a story in our newspaper last week about an older man who had health problems and heavy medical debt. He was stressed out about it and wanted some relief--like the government taking care of him. His brilliant scheme: shoot his friendly mailman of 20 years so he could go to jail! DUHHHHHHHHH!!!!! He just calmly shot the man 6 times, then calmly got in his car and drove away so he could turn himself in. The mailman looked like the nicest guy, and was flabbergasted. (Yes, he survived 6 shots to the abdomen. He can't digest food on his own now or produce insulin.) Mailman said, "If he wanted to commit a felony, why didn't he just brandish a gun in a bank instead of shooting his mailman!?" Poor guy!

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME: Another dopey thing another older man did, for real. He left his keys in his still running car. His solution? Use the vacuum cleaner to "siphon out the gas so it would stop running!!!" Well, a spark was created, and he got 1st and 2nd degree burns!! Der!

A joke that Cliff Owen told us recently: This man found an old lamp, which, when rubbed, brought forth a genie. "You may have one wish, so pick wisely." "I want to go to Hawaii, but I really don't like to fly. Could you create a road from here to there for me?" "Awwww, that's too hard; couldn't you come up with an easier request?" "Ok, how 'bout if you give me the wisdom to understand my wife?" pause............"You want 5 lanes or 6?"

Quote from George Bernard Shaw: We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.