Thursday, 1:00, half day for kids, eating lunch with tea, kids watching Scooby. I resolved to make it through to the end of this week with a positive amount of cheerfulness and energy and pace myself and not require a mental health day on Thursday. However, I am doing my paralyzed, la la land, useless, pull into myself, recoup thing on Thursday, anyway. I don't make to do lists anymore, because when I do, I rebel against them and do hardly anything at all. That's the way I feel today. I should be cleaning, packing, erranding, painting...but I drank coffee, read, made phone calls, looked at e-mails and blogs. Oh, and got upset because I can't find my previous diary notebook. I don't know where it is. It's not where I put it. So now I feel quite insecure and annoyed and in limbo about that.

Our house is on the market. We are going to try to sell it and move into a Bill Abram built beauty, if God wills. Chris is having to take on the stress of finishing stuff that has sat there undone for years, on top of the stress of his long hours on the job and the dreariness of this time of year. We had a great time Sunday, though. We went to lunch in the afternoon, just him and me, and then to this cool old book store nearby I've been wanting to see for a long time. I had such a huge deficit in the fun category, and this was SO FUN. I got 3 books, and I am already fantasizing about the books I want to buy next.

I finished my self-portrait and gave it to Chris for his birthday a few weeks ago. But my camera disappeared at a pizza/play place I took the kids to awhile ago. Wretched, wretched loss, that was. The painting turned out good, although my expression is quite intense, and when we put it on the wall, it looked like my eyes were following you around the room with their serious expression. It was too much and is now upstairs facing the wall. Felt like one of those old movies or books where the dark paintings of dour relatives line the wall, making one feel self conscious walking by. I hope that's not how I come across and make people around me feel all the time. So, I can't take a picture and show you, at this juncture.

Two nuggets of preciousness revealed by Zach a few days ago: He can't wait for his voice to change. He's tired of "sounding like a little kid." And he said that he thought he figured out the reason we are on this earth--to help people. A man at church who does Sunday School said that, and he sees me helping people that come across my path, and it's sinking in--what a treat to hear him express this. I think I was quite self-absorbed and insecure at 12 and not thinking along those lines yet.